Run, Google, Run

My husband is the default driver in our home. Once we had a conversation about it and he said he always drove because "I don't have as much fun in the passenger seat". I heard, "you have more fun as a passenger"...so from then on, occasionally, as I slipped into the passenger seat I'd quietly (or not so quietly) say, "Don't mind me over here having a party in the passenger seat!" It's gone on for about 25 of our soon-to-be 27 years of marriage. And it's not going anywhere anytime soon even though I do truly prefer being a passenger now.

Because of the aforementioned default it takes me a bit to get familiar with a new location on the map. And so I rely on the handy Google Maps GPS to get me from home to a place and back again. I've recently become aware of how much I rely on it.

I'd enjoyed the day out running errands and shopping for art supplies, but it was beginning to snow and I prefer to be home to enjoy the white flakes of joy drifting down. I put my phone in the handy little window cling holder thingy and tapped the home button, and not really paying it much attention began to drive out the parking lot and turn the direction I was sure was accurate. The whole time the GPS was doing its little chirping thing and the gentle voice of the woman guiding me was "turn right 'street name'...chirp chirp...'in 500 feet turn left'...chirp chirp...'continue'...chirp chirp..."

I finally looked at the screen and noted with a decent amount of both frustration and shock that it was saying it was going to take me FIVE HOURS to get home. Pulling into a parking lot I spoke not so gently to her, "What the 'chirp chirp' is wrong with you?! Home is only 10 'chirp chirp' miles away!!" So I exited the app and restarted my phone sure the almighty Google just needed a brief time-out. Nope. Still showing the trip time as five hours.

"What the 'chirp chirp'?!!" as I dial "Best Husband Ever" on my phone.

"Hello"
"This is the stoopidest 'chirp chirp' call I've ever made to you." Also laughing like the idiot I feel.
"I don't know how to get home and this 'chirp chirp' gps is telling me it's going to take FIVE HOURS! And it's snowing!"
God bless him, he starts to tell me how to get home but it all sound like the teacher on Peanuts around the third direction. And then he says, very kindly as he has been the whole 'chirp chirp' time, "Can't you just zoom out on the map and see where you are and read the map?"

...silence...

"Hello" he says, "still there?"
"Yes...and yes I can do that. I'm just gonna go right up to 20 West and then I know how to get home from there. I'm such a 'chirp chirp' idiot."
"No you're not. Love you!"

So I went on my way, got on 20, felt good and safe and confident in my map reading ability. Until I noticed, again, that the little green truck that is normally on the gps screen as I travel along was still not there, and that the solid blue line that's normally there was instead little blue dots. As I pondered, again, what was going on with the Google, I glanced around the rectangle screen...and then I laughed so loudly the dog jumped up in the back seat, cocking his cute little head at me, his eyes locking with mine in the rear view mirror. (Normally when I laugh out loud at home he gives me side-eye and literally leaves the room, every time.)
So I told him, "Your mom is a 'chirp chirp' idiot! Like a real bona-fide idiot."
Somehow the button at the top of the map for WALKING! was hit vs by car. And sure enough there was a little human figure on the dotted line, running to keep up with me as a drove.

...go ahead...laugh...I sure did...